Sunday, May 21, 2006


You think you know next to everything about an issue and then you come across something like this:

Apparently there is a theological debate that has raged for centuries regarding the fate of Jesus' foreskin. As (according to Luke) it was removed during the 8th day after his birth, as per usual for Jews not familiar with the Bris Shalom, this leaves us with the tricky question of what occured to it when he ascended.

Did it go along with him or did it remain behind? Or was it restored to him during his ressurection? Now I have heard that the standard methods of foreskin growth are rather trying but crucifixion seems a little extreme. Although considering he got the Salvation of Mankind and a repaired penis out of it he probably saw it as a fair break.

Many churches and individuals have claimed to have obtained his foreskin, presumably because it is a little more interesting than saying you have a piece of the original cross although maybe more problematic to find a suitable forgery of than a random chunk of wood.

In addition a 17th Century astromoner by the name of Leo Allatius speculated that the prepuce might have ascended into the heavens and become the ring of Saturn.

Which is in itself is so funny I am not even going to attempt to add to it.

They should definetely make this a Main Page article...


Anonymous ronin said...


11:43 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

ring of saturn? hmmmm I guess my question is...who cares what happened to it? I mean is that something that is really going to help us gain wisdom, knowledge and Eternal happiness or is it one of those things we just needn't concern ourselves with. I vote for the latter.

3:43 PM  
Anonymous Goat said...

I wonder what sort of miraculous powers the foreskin of Jesus would bestow? Perhaps it heals impotence, or makes the circumcised whole (not to mention the penectomied).

And of course a certain movie would have been even funnier were it called 'Monty Python and the Foreskin of Jesus'. :P

5:05 PM  
Anonymous ronin said...

Perhaps they should make some sort of DaVinci Code type thriller based on his foreskin. It'll be even more popular! People would go to the movies just to laugh their asses off.

4:27 AM  
Blogger Revamp said...

Yes a mash-up of Da Vinci and Month Python with an added dash of prepucey goodness certainly seems in order.

If we could get both Brown and Cleese aboard for this one we should make a mint...

As for what powers it would bestow well my thoughts were that if worn by a circumcised man it would turn lubricant into wine and cure any STI afflicted orifice or organ that it touched.

Now there would be a religious relic worth hunting for...

2:59 PM  
Anonymous ronin said...

Yes a mash-up of Da Vinci and Month Python with an added dash of prepucey goodness certainly seems in order.

I smell and Oscar! Maybe two...

6:18 PM  
Anonymous freak!! said...

hey lil boy
ur a weird fag bag!
wat is this article?
u eva listen to yer self?
herez an idea, ur 15 why not get some head insteada wankin off wit 50 yr old men ova da internet
lookn outfor ya lil boy ;)
yourz truly

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Goat said...

Hurray for poor spelling, Freak!! :)

6:18 PM  
Blogger Revamp said...

Hmm...I think that last comment requires some line-by-line analysis:

"hey lil boy"

Note the usage of the words "Lil" to suggest a diminuitive and "Boy" as a form of patronising derogative.

A more accurate opening phrase might have been "Large adolescent" but this is disregarded in a crude attempt to cause me offence. The failure made here however is the lack of realisation that actually striking upon areas in which the focus of the insult is already deeply insecure invariably proves far more effective that attempting to assail areas in which they are not likely to feel affronted.

"ur a weird fag bag!"

Apparently I am meant to consider the opinion of a homophobe with spelling difficulties as worthy enough to affect the view I sustain of myself.

"wat is this article?"

I would have thought that that is quite obvious once you read it. It is an article which concerns itself with the subject matter of Jesus' foreskin and what exactly happened to it. It utilises humour to express my suprise at this even being an actual theological concern and also in an attempt to entertain my readers.

"u eva listen to yer self?"

Not while I am typing, no. I do read the results however.

"herez an idea, ur 15 why not get some head"

That is a wise idea. Unfortunately I am not currently in a loving relationship with anyone and thus I am unwilling to indulge in sexual behaviour. In addition being highly unnattractive and uncharismatic renders locating someone willing to indulge in such activities with me problematic.

By the way I am actually 16, although I suppose that that only serves to make me appear more pathetic.

"insteada wankin off wit 50 yr old men ova da internet"

I do not recall at any point mentioning wanking off with any 50 year old man. I am uncertain from whence this impression originates.

"lookn outfor ya lil boy ;)"

Your concern is much appreciated although I do not believe your assistance is required.

6:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know this is an old entry but to anyone that might still read this, here's an interesting piece of trivia: There's actually 13 places in the world that claim to have the foreskin of jesus as a relic.

5:52 PM  
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10:08 PM  

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