Thursday, April 13, 2006

My old, ubiquitous friend Anonymous showed me this:

Yes ladies (of the curious variety) and gentlemen I present to you the Glansie, a devise devised for the auto treatment of Phimosis that has an effectiveness of a level I have not yet had the good fortune to test but an appearence that leads me to suspect that it was actually concocted by more creative elements of the pro-circ movement.

Supporting this little conspiracy hypothesis (not a theory, there is no such thing as a "Conspiracy Theory", the term theory is reserved for things with solid factual evidence such as Evolution) is the frontpage's claim that it effects "many uncircumcised men" and its failure to mention either the Beauge Method or the use of localised steroid creams to treat the condition. Admittedly the largest font sentance runs "No circumcision. You can cure Phimosis by yourself" yet its entry on circumcision runs as follows: "Circumcision. Circumcision is a relatively simple surgical technique which is sometimes appropriate as a solution to phimosis."

I believe that it overstates its simplicity somewhat (especially during adulthood, although of course childhood presents its own problems what with the fused foreskin/glans and all the difficulties that can cause) and it is rather overly promotional for a website trying to market a product. All the same it has, apparently, been utilised by over 3000 men and no doubt its lack of soothing appearence masks an adequete ability to amend the situation confronting many a man.

And in addition, who am I to judge? My personal selection might be a good deal less fiscally punitive (I no longer even have to cover the costs of olive oil and progress is now only the price of a warm bath) but has it been as fully effective as two pieces of extendable metal inserted along the glans.

And indeed today I found that without the assistance of warmth (and on the topic of temprature, would those prongs being inserted not be highly cold? Especially as they would be pushing along and resting on one what is undoubtably of the most sensitive part of the male anatomy, especially for phimosis sufferers?) my ability to retract myself was severely limited. I could make some progress once I had warmed myself up with a hot shower and even attempted running warm water directly from a tap along my shaft but it seemed that without full submersion and soaking I could not fully complete the same, totally exposed head antics as I had the night before.

In short things were rather unsatisfactory, if not painful during my attempts to pull across the top of the shaft. I ensured that I stopped once this discomfort was reaching breaking point for nothing good has ever ensued from forcing a foreskin. I decided to abort when my little sister (awake earlier than I had anticipated) requested to use the toilet for its originally intended purpose (but not in so many words, being as she was thankfully oblivious to my activities).

I fled the room once the testament to recent arousal had abided and decided to postpone my efforts indefinetely.

As I failed even to reach any form of climax it was rather frustrating but tomorrow, as they say, is another day. I shall be sure keep you fully informed.


Anonymous Goat said...

Keep on truckin' Revamp!

Or pullin', as you desire. ;)

9:41 AM  
Blogger Revamp said...

I shall be sure too, thanks for the encouragement Fiddly, keep on reading!

3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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7:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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7:18 AM  
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7:23 AM  

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